Dear Deidre: Raunchy affair began with an innocent lunch
The Sun, 22 November 2012
I’m having a passionate affair with a work colleague but my son is only a year old and I don’t want to break up our little family.
My husband and I are both 40. My husband was in a new job as a salesman but the stress got too much and he quit the day before I had our son.
I had him mooning around at home for three months before he found more work. Our son wasn’t a good sleeper and slept on my chest for weeks and weeks. Our sex life diminished to almost nothing.
I went back to work – in an insurance company – six months later and a male colleague made a real fuss of me.
We went out just for lunch together first, then we’d go for lunch to my place – then we’d go for lunch and to bed at my place.
The sex was amazing and I realised what I’d been missing. He’s married too but says his relationship is over.
I felt so guilty though and as if I’d let the whole family down. I tried to make it up with my husband by seducing him but after we’d had sex, I cried – I felt that something wasn’t right.
He’s a good man but I don’t know whether I love him in the right way any more. He thinks I’ve gone off sex because of the baby. The truth is, I don’t want sex with him.
I can’t be in a sexless marriage but I don’t think I can make myself love him or feel attracted to him as I once did.
Meanwhile, I still see my colleague every day and the chemistry between us is undeniable.
My husband says to me, “You’re not going to leave us are you?” I say no but the truth is, I don’t know.
You used to desire your husband and you can rediscover that passion, but you have to make a determined effort – if only for the sake of your son at this stage.Babies do disrupt their parents’ sex lives and a part of you at least must have been fed up with your husband hanging round the house feeling stressed.
You won’t start fancying your husband again while you see your lover, so be firm you must end the affair while you see if you can save your marriage.
You and your husband can find support at www.thecoupleconnection.net which has a forum and “listening room” to help with relationship problems.