It’s not easy to make friends as an adult. When you are young, friendships seem so easy, but what happens when we are thrust into the wider world? Adult friendships need time to grow and develop.
Why friendships matter
You may not know it, but friendship is a health issue. When we have positive social connections, we live longer, and age better. In fact, the power of social support is as big a factor in our health as things like smoking, drinking, and obesity (Pezirkianidis et al., 2023; Proctor & Holt-Lunstad, 2025).
Friendships also help us feel like we matter. Think about the warm feelings you get from knowing you’re important in someone else’s life – by offering encouragement and support in hard times, and celebrating good times. Knowing that you matter to someone else can protect your mental health, helping you feel less lonely, and more worthy (Karamali, 2026).
This doesn’t mean you need to have a huge group of friends. Even one close friend can support you through stressful times. A good friend can help you feel more resilient, emotionally secure, and adaptable. They can build your self-esteem, give you social support, provide time to relax and be yourself, and offer a safe space to talk about difficult life experiences (Burke, 2023).
So how do we form those kinds of friendships that we can trust and rely on? And how do we look after the ones we already have?
How are friendships formed?
Many people make lifelong friends at university, at a time when they are thrown together in one place, with shared activities, shared accommodation, and plenty of leisure time. But what happens after you leave university, or if you don’t attend at all?
Outside of academic settings, young adults often find themselves living in strange cities with flatmates they’ve found online, and jobs that make it hard to carve out social time (Burke, 2023).
Friendships form through shared interests, and grow when people take the risk of being vulnerable, sharing personal information, or talking about what matters to them, often through humour. Think back to when you were getting to know someone you feel close to now – it’s likely you felt that connection early on.
As these connections become deeper, we share more of ourselves and spend more time together – texting, calling, making space to be in each other’s lives. It’s this consistency that allows the friendship to deepen (Burke, 2023).
Three hundred hours to make a friend
But this takes time. One study showed that it can take 50 hours of dedicated time together to form a casual friendship, and 300 hours to form a close friendship (Burke, 2023).
If you have lots of casual friendships you might find your social battery is too depleted to invest in those more intimate connections. And, at a time when you are trying to build an adult life, the prospect of finding 50 free hours can feel incredibly daunting.
How to maintain adult friendships
A friendship is a living thing and needs to be maintained. Regular check-ins and meetups can make a big difference:
- Don’t wait for a crisis to reach out. Send your friends a text just to say hello.
- Tell your friends what you like about them. “You always make me feel safe,” or “You are the funniest person I know.”
- Notice what is important to your friends. If your friend loves a slice of cake and a chat, offer to meet them in their favourite café and buy them a treat.
- Give your friends a chance to support you too. Let them see how much they matter.
- Create regular reliable rituals. You might have a Movie Monday tradition, or go to all of your local football team’s home games.
Whatever it is that binds you, it’s that regularity that keeps you close (Karamali, 2026).
How friendship networks evolve
As you get older, you will find your social networks shifting. Major life events like moving away, getting a new job, or starting a new relationship will change your priorities, and your existing friendships may need to be renegotiated. But close friendships can survive changing priorities (Burke, 2023).
Be honest with yourself about what’s happening, and work through the change consciously. You might need new rituals that fit your evolving lifestyles, like a weekly phone call, or a quarterly visit to each other’s home towns.
You might not make as many new friends as you get older, but existing friendship groups often remain throughout all of these changes (Growiec, 2023).
For this reason, it makes sense to nurture your existing friendships, and protect the social connections that you rely on. Think about the people you would call if you needed to share some news – good or bad. These are the friendships you’ll want to nurture, and it’s a process that will carry on throughout your life.
References
Burke, M. (2023). Forming and Maintaining Intimate Friendships as a Twentysomething. [online]
Growiec, K. (2023). Social Network Dynamics in the Context of Age: An Empirical Investigation. Social indicators research, 170(2), pp.675–711. doi:10.1007/s11205-023-03210-w.
Karamali, R. (2026). The Power of Friendships and Feeling That We Matter. [online] Psychology Today.
Pezirkianidis, C., Galanaki, E., Raftopoulou, G., Moraitou, D. and Stalikas, A. (2023). Adult Friendship and Wellbeing: A Systematic Review with Practical Implications. Frontiers in Psychology, [online] 14(14). doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2023.1059057.
Proctor, A.S. and Holt-Lunstad, J. (2025). Blind Spots in Health Perception: The Underestimated Role of Social Connection for Health Outcomes. BMC Public Health, 25(1). doi:10.1186/s12889-025-21554-5.
