Stepping into fatherhood can be difficult for many first-time dads. The journey into parenthood is not an easy one, regardless of whether you are a single parent, a co-parent, or part of a couple. It changes every part of you. While every father is unique, there are often expectations and pressures that society views as 'belonging to the father'. This can be hard for new fathers to adjust to, especially if they have limited support or have high expectations of themselves.
Recent studies have shown that things like connection and confidence can be significantly harder for fathers to access. These supportive components to early parenthood can help parents cope with the struggles that come with the new baby. When they are missing, it can make the parent feel isolated, overwhelmed, and uncertain. This can put strain on their relationships – even their relationship with themselves.
Warning signs to watch for
- A focus on work or extended working hours. Up to 89% of surveyed fathers identified work-related commitments as the barrier to being involved with their new family (Ghaleiha, A. et. al, 2022).
- A hesitancy or unwillingness to attend appointments and check-ups. Due to the general gatekeeping by healthcare professionals and even mothers, fathers’ are often excluded or minimised from taking part in support activities (Barret, N. & Charlton, E., 2025).
- A reduction in engagement with social activities and friends. This can come from feelings of "father guilt" and can lead to a negative reduction in individual mental health (Barret, N. & Charlton, E.).
How to improve connection
The support a father receives from a partner can have positive effects and help to lower distress if they are struggling with feeling like an equal or adequate parent (Scheifele, C., 2023). Many fathers can be relegated to a supporting role by others, including healthcare professionals. While many agree that this is important for taking care of the mother and keeping attention on the new baby, some fathers can feel pushed aside or like a secondary parent whose relationship with the child is being ignored (Ghaleiha, A. et. al.).
Remember that you are on the same team and you have gone through this huge life change together. Talk to each other about your individual experiences as well as your own, and encourage each other to spend time talking with other friends and family members who may be able to offer advice or a new perspective. It can help to open with phrases like "I feel" instead of "You make me feel" as this can lessen feelings of criticism or attack, while keeping the focus on working together. Even a few minutes every day to check in together can help restore those feelings of connection and support.
How to build up confidence
Sometimes high expectations or feelings of uncertainty come from within. This is very often the case with new fathers. Evidence shows that lots of new fathers worry about being able to take good enough care of a newborn, or they doubt their ability to keep their child safe (Hemmingsson, J. C., 2025). In fact, many fathers experience considerable "cognitive dissonance" between what they thought being a parent would be like and the reality of what it is. This can come from not instantly forming a bond with the baby, feeling more afraid and nervous than they expected, and the physical realities of limited sleep and rest (Barret, N. & Charlton, E.).
It's important to remember that everyone makes mistakes – and you will make mistakes in parenting every day. It is a normal part of being human. Especially in the instance of a first-time parent, there will be so many things each day that are brand new to you. Ease off feelings of not "being good enough" by working together without micromanaging, or allowing each other to learn how to do something one of you may naturally be good at. Use words of encouragement, even in moments of failure, to remind yourselves that parenting may be hard – but you can do hard things!
It's also worth looking into parenting advice, resources, and programmes that have actively included the father in their design and targeted audience. Many are created with mothers and their babies in mind, but finding one that also allows the father to be a centre of focus can lead to a large increase in "enhanced parenting skills and knowledge, increased confidence, satisfaction, and self-efficiency in their parental role (Wade, C. et. al. 2023).
Remember…
First time fathers are also experiencing what it means to be a parent while their entire sense of identity and worth shifts. While it may not come with some of the physical demands of motherhood, a healthy involvement from fathers in the early stages of parenthood is important to a child's wellbeing (Wade, C. et. al).
Not only can this improve the relationship fathers have with their children, but it can also improve the relationship between parents as partners – and their relationships with themselves.
