Mental health is one of the most influential factors in your relationships. Whether it's your partner, your friends, your coworkers, or your family, every person will be impacted by the way you cope with your mental health – when it's good and when it's bad. It can be tricky to look outside of yourself, especially if you are also struggling.
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There is a really strong tie between mental illness and the satisfaction and stability of your relationship. Although mental health can negatively impact your relationships, it is encouraging to know that your relationships actually have a stronger effect on your mental health, which is why it is so important to provide support for your partner, friends, family, and coworkers (Braithwaite & Hold-Lunstad, 2017). Here are some practical steps you can take to support good mental health in all your relationships.

Recognise what poor mental health might look like

You may think it will be obvious to notice when someone you know is having a hard time coping with their mental health. You see them every day, so surely you'd be able to tell when something is wrong. But in the day-to-day busyness of life, it can be easy to overlook warning signs that someone is struggling. This is heightened if you are also struggling with your own mental health.
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Keep an eye out for the following things within your relationships. If you notice one or more of them, they could be signs that the other person is struggling:  

• Snapping over seemingly 'small' things (Stein et al., 2024).
• Increased irritability and picking fights (Weigel and Shrout, 2021).
• Fear of abandonment and needing reassurance (Neumann et al., 2015).
• Frequent breakups or on-off dynamics (Halpern-Meekin & Turney, 2023).  
• Withdrawal and reduced intimacy (Finkbeiner et al., 2012; Holley et al., 2018).  
• Struggling to communicate what they need (Papp, Kouros & Cummings, 2009).

Show support in your relationships

When someone you know is dealing with mental health problems, it can start to take its toll on you too. This may be especially prominent in romantic relationships, but can show up in your friends, family, and coworkers as well. Difficulties will typically begin to show in your relationship with communication and support (Hickey, et al., 2005). You may begin to feel disconnected from them or that your relationship is changing in ways you feel unprepared to deal with.

Luckily, some of the best ways to be practically supportive can be very simple. What’s really important is to consider the long term as well as the short term. Certain things may seem difficult or impossible for someone struggling with poor mental health. Things like chores around the house, workloads that need doing, or social expectations from others can feel like a drain on already limited resources (Bodenmann, 2008). However, while it might be tempting to help by completely taking over on these extra responsibilities to avoid difficult social situations, this could actually end up being more damaging in the long term.
 
Instead, research has found that keeping up regular activities can help someone feel motivated and maintain a level of independence that can bolster resilience. Visiting supportive family and friends can help maintain important social ties, and even find solutions to practical problems (Bodenmann, 2008). So rather than completely removing someone from a task or a situation, finding ways to support them within that action can be help them navigate their mental health (Pietromonaco et al., 2022), .

Improving communication can be the biggest help

Good communication becomes particularly important when someone is struggling with a mental health issue. Attacking or challenging behaviour could make that person feel even worse, leading them to become more withdrawn and less confident in their ability to improve things (Baker & McNulty, 2015). This is why it’s important to try and find gentle language – or sometimes just use silence.  

Try the following tips to improve your communication:

• Drop your judgements. Set aside any preconceptions you have about mental illness so you can approach conversations with an open mind. ‍
• Hold the space. Encourage the person to talk about their experiences. Let them know you’re there for them and that you care about them. ‍
• Listen to their words. This means listening actively to what your partner is saying, and not just thinking about what you are going to say next. ‍
• Acknowledge their feelings. Let your partner know you’ve heard and understood them. Sometimes it’s helpful to repeat back to them what you think you’ve heard so they know you’ve really understood.

It's very important that through all of this, you try to exercise patience and sensitivity. Research has shown that when someone feels supported, their depressive and anxiety symptoms are lower (Hansard, 2022). You may not be able to relate to everything they are going through, but just let them know you’re there to offer support wherever you can.  

Seek professional help if it's needed

If you or someone else are worried or unsure of what to do, professional help should always be your first step. The GP of the person who is struggling can help and make a referral to a mental health specialist for further support.

Sometimes this means being willing to step into this space alongside the person, especially in romantic relationships. If someone wants extra support, go with them to their appointments.  

If you are in a committed relationship, you might be asked to go to couples therapy as part of your partner’s treatment. This doesn’t mean your relationship is in trouble. Couples therapy may not be any more effective for mental health issues than individual therapy, but it can be a good way to help your partner feel supported (Barbato et al., 2018). It may also help you find more ways to improve communication and intimacy, and protect against further problems in the future (Kronmüller et al, 2011).

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References

Baker, L. R., & McNulty, J. K. (2015). Adding insult to injury: Partner depression moderates the association between partner-regulation attempts and partners’ motivation to resolve interpersonal problems. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 41(6), 839-852.

Barbato, A., D'Avanzo, B., & Parabiaghi, A. (2018). Couple therapy for depression. Cochrane Database of Systematic Reviews, (6).

Bodenmann, G., Plancherel, B., Beach, S. R., Widmer, K., Gabriel, B., Meuwly, N., ... & Schramm, E. (2008). Effects of coping-oriented couples therapy on depression: A randomized clinical trial. Journal of consulting and clinical psychology, 76(6), 944.

Braithwaite, S., & Holt-Lunstad, J.(2017). Romantic relationships and mental health. Current Opinions in Psychology, 13, 120-125. doi: 10.1016/j.copsyc.2016.04.001.  

Finkbeiner, N. M., Epstein, N. B., & Falconier, M. K. (2013). Low intimacy as a mediator between depression and clinic couple relationship satisfaction. Personal Relationships, 20(3), 406-421.

Halpern-Meekin, S., & Turney, K. (2023). Romantic unions and mental health: The role of relationship churning. Journal of health and social behavior, 64(2), 243-260.

Hansard, S. M. (2022). Reciprocal Support within Intimate Relationships: Examining the Association with Depression and Anxiety. Sociological Perspectives, 65(5), 915-928.

Hickey, D., Carr, A., Dooley, B., Guerin, S., Butler, E., & Fitzpatrick, L. (2005). Family and marital profiles of couples in which one partner has depression or anxiety. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 31(2), 171-182.

Holley, S. R., Ewing, S. T., Stiver, J. T., & Bloch, L. (2017). The relationship between emotion regulation, executive functioning, and aggressive behaviors. Journal of interpersonal violence, 32(11), 1692-1707.

Kronmüller, K. T., Backenstrass, M., Victor, D., Postelnicu, I., Schenkenbach, C., Joest, K., ... & Mundt, C. (2011). Quality of marital relationship and depression: Results of a 10-year prospective follow-up study. Journal of Affective Disorders, 128(1), 64-71.

Neumann, E., Sattel, H., Gündel, H., Henningsen, P., & Kruse, J. (2015). Attachment in romantic relationships and somatization. Journal of Nervous and Mental Disease 2015 Feb;203(2):101-6. doi: 10.1097/NMD.0000000000000241.

Papp, L.M., Kouros, C.D. and Cummings, E.M. (2009). Demand-withdraw patterns in marital conflict in the home. Personal Relationships, 16(2), pp.285–300. doi:https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1475-6811.2009.01223.x.

Pietromonaco, P. R., Overall, N. C., & Powers, S. I. (2022). Depressive symptoms, external stress, and marital adjustment: The buffering effect of partner’s responsive behavior. Social Psychological and Personality Science, 13(1), 220-232.

Stein, C.H., Redondo, R.A., Simon, S. and Silverman, Z.J. (2024). Strengths, struggles, and strategies: How adults with serious mental illness navigate long-term romantic relationships. Community mental health journal, 60. doi:https://doi.org/10.1007/s10597-024-01288-1.

Weigel, D. J., & Shrout, M. R. (2021). Relationship conflict, appraisals, and disillusionment: The moderating role of depression. Personality and Individual Differences, 171, 110494.

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