If your partner is dealing with long-term stress, it can be hard on your relationship – and on your mental health. While you can’t solve all their problems, standing by them and reinforcing your support during a stressful time can help make your relationship stronger. To do this, it is important that you recognise signs of long-term stress in your partner and what you can do to help (Barlow et al., 2018).
What is long-term stress?
Stress is your body’s response to threat. You may have heard of the term ‘fight or flight’, which is when your body gives you a boost of adrenaline to tackle what’s in front of you. This is often where we go when we encounter stress. Experiencing some stress is a normal part of life, and it can even be good for you. Stress helps your body to adapt to changes and unexpected situations, and helps you become stronger. However, if the fight or flight reaction kicks in too often, it can result in overwhelming long-term stress (NHS, 2025).
Research shows that not only do our relationships provide ways to cope with how stress makes us feel, but they can also directly impact our own wellbeing (Waldinger and Schulz, 2023). If a partner or loved one is experiencing long-term stress, it can be difficult and distressing for both of you. Sometimes long-term stress can’t be avoided due to circumstances beyond your control, such as illness or money worries. But even if it can't be avoided or becomes a daily part of life, it can still help someone experiencing long-term stress to have the support of a partner (Barlow et al., 2018).
Signs of long-term stress
There are many signs of long-term stress, and they will be different for everyone. Recognising the most common signs is the first step towards supporting your partner. These might include:
- Feeling overwhelmed by work or social situations.
- Having little or no time for family or friends.
- Frequently feeling irritable, depressed, or anxious.
- Being unreasonable or irrational.
- Struggling with relationships.
- Little or no time for self-care (Mental Health UK, 2020).
How to support your partner
It can be difficult to help someone who is always in a fight or flight mindset, but it's important that they know they have someone in their corner who can help them cope. There are many ways you can help support your partner if they are struggling with long-term stress.
Be actively caring
Show you care with thoughtful acts that will mean something to your partner. You could make dinner or, if you have children, take them out for the day to give your partner some alone time. Not everyone finds the same things meaningful, so think about what your partner would want or find helpful. Those little gestures can really add up (Fryburg, 2022).
Remember to listen
While you may want to rush in to offer practical help with your partner’s problems, you also need to remember that the emotional aspect of stress reduction is just as important. Listening to your partner – not just about the big issues, but also about the smaller everyday things – and validating their feelings can help them regulate those feelings and engage (Landolt et al., 2023).
Take care of your own needs
It’s important to look after yourself as well as your relationship. Taking time for your own interests and hobbies as well as those you do with your partner can be helpful to you both. Think about what you enjoy doing that you find enjoyable and relaxing. It could be anything from playing football with your mates to taking a long hot bath. Whatever it is, intentionally make time for it in your week and encourage your partner to do the same (Barlow et al., 2018).
Seek help
Ask friends and family for help. Having a close supportive network can help relieve pressure when dealing with stress, for you and for your partner. You could also seek support from the communities you belong to, such as work, school, faith, or LGBTQ+ groups. It is especially important to seek help if both of you are struggling with your mental health.
Remember – you are stronger together
Life is not easy, and it's harder to 'be OK' when you feel isolated or out of your depth. That's why it is important to reinforce your relationship with calm support, gentle reassurance, and intentional communication. When we face hard things together, it is easier to cope with them (Bodenmann, 1997).
References
Barlow, A., Ewing, J., Janssens, A., & Blake, S. (2018). The Shackleton Relationships Project-Report and Key Findings.
Bodenmann, G. (1997). Dyadic coping-a systematic-transactional view of stress and coping among couples: Theory and empirical findings. European Review of Applied Psychology, 47, 137-140.
Fryburg, D. A. (2022). Kindness as a stress reduction–health promotion intervention: a review of the psychobiology of caring. American journal of lifestyle medicine, 16(1), 89-100.
Landolt, S. A., Weitkamp, K., Roth, M., Sisson, N. M., & Bodenmann, G. (2023). Dyadic coping and mental health in couples: A systematic review. Clinical Psychology Review, 106, 102344.
Mental Health UK. (2026). Stress. Available from: https://mentalhealth-uk.org/help-and-information/stress/
NHS. (2026). Dealing with stress. Available from : https://www.nhs.uk/every-mind-matters/mental-health-issues/stress/
Waldinger, R., & Schulz, M. (2023). The Good Life: Lessons from the World's Longest Scientific Study of Happiness. Simon & Schuster.
